I wish I had something better to tell you

I wish I had something better to tell you, but what is going to make him be able to pay you back at $100 a week?? Will he even be able to do this consistently? My concern in bailing him out would be 2 things, first this is the 2nd go round with bailing him out, and 2nd he doesn’t WANT to live within your families means. It’s really tough to do, but you do have to give things up. We haven’t had cable in over a year. I haven’t given up the internet, but have considered it, and it might go before it’s all said and done. I have looked up all kinds of recipes on the net for Frugal meals but have some nutrition. So you don’t have to live on Mac and Cheese, but I couldn’t tell you the last time we had a steak either.

I have followed your threads here through the months. You HAVE to do what is going to keep you of sound mind. What feels right to you, in a way that will make you feel safe. To be honest from what you have posted in the past, you are VERY concerned with the future and your children’s futures. I think YOU know the answer to what you want and need to do for your peace of mind. What will happen when you bail him out again? Will there be a 3rd time, if his reason for the debt is he doesn’t make enough money to live in the way he wants to live? Maybe it’s time for a 2nd job, or time to go back to school for another degree. Something that will bring in the income that he desires to spend.

I know this has been an issue for you for several months now. How about some money management counseling before you go into debt for the 3rd time. How is he planning to make these other payments (with you bailing him out, + the management place $$), without changing the way you live? I really feel for you, but if you don’t solve the problem, then the problem will just “rear its head again”, no matter what you decide to do. Attitude towards money seems to be a much larger problem than how much money you have or don’t have.

Going to court may not be the worst option

Going to court may not be the worst option. I am head over heels in debt, really I am bankrupt.

One of my creditors has brought a judgment against me for a medical bill of 5K. I have to go to court in a couple of weeks. I am in the process of making a list for the judge of all my debts and current payments. This includes a student loan in default which has grown from 35k to 43k since un/under employed; however, I do make very small payments on this loan (less than $50 a month although it grows by $300 a month because of interest. In court I intend to explain my state of bankruptcy to the judge and offer the creditor a small payment. There is no other option. The only other possible solution is applying for a personal loan with fast and almost guaranteed approval from websites like www.lendingtree.com or www.wegot1000.com – these are the best, but you may also google for more.

What I am trying to say is: If you go to court and explain what that agency did and ask to maintain your current payment plan, it may well work.

Also, what that agency did is called bait and switch. You were lured into a payback plan and then the terms were switched. I had a dentist doing this to me once. I had expensive dental work done and she agreed to a payment plan. The dentures were made and I still owed money. She did not want to release the denture and insisted on full payment. Luckily I was able to get a lawyer; It only took one visit. The lawyer wrote a letter to the dentist pointing out the “bait and switch”. The upshot: I got my dentures and did not have to pay the balance. That dentist did not want legal trouble. There must be Federal agencies that deal with illegal collection practices, consumer protection agencies. You may want to contact your state attorney’s office to see what they have to offer re: consumer protection.

Good luck!

Does anyone on here know of any legitimate free work at home places?

I have 3 small children and me and my husband both work full time and have second part time jobs. In order to make our budget (which is trimmed so far that it is impossible to trim it anymore) we need to make anywhere from $200 to $500 a month (i’d prefer the $500 so that we could actually start saving for a house!) Does anybody have any ideas?

I know some people who do phone work at home…let me check with them and I will send whatever info I can. Probably won’t be until tomorrow since I am out the door to MY second job :-). It can be done though, there are legit co’s out there.

I work with west at home but I also worked with them when I lived in va. As long as you dont mind dealing with customers not to hard and you are usually paid by the minute.

Could you give me alittle info about West, like exactly what you do and pay scale? I have signed up and am ready to start my basic training online. iappreciate any info.

I am also interested in working from home to get out of financial debt. Could you let me know if they have a website I can visit, please.

I just feel really disappointed too

I just feel really disappointed too. I don’t think I can file for bankruptcy. I do have some assets from when I was working (401K, Childrens college funds, opened when they were born) so I’m not sure how that would help.

He says he doesn’t tell me things because it makes me upset and depressed and I stop talking to him for awhile.

I have this terrible sense of fear and terror (which my husband feels is unjustified…..he says “it is only money”) and I wonder whether we can really afford our groceries and I’m watering the milk down already and I worry that I won’t be able to afford the vitamin supplements for our autistic son.

Then he says maybe he should stay at home and I should go to work (I was in work, for 10+ years before we married) and see how hard it is.

I’ve kept this from my parents for a long while, but I really need to speak to them, I think. Not for advice, and certainly not for financial help, but so that they know what I am going through here.

I just hate to see the nest egg I saved over ten years swallowed up by his lack of foresight and planning.

I’ve been thinking, maybe, I might feel better about loaning him the money with the stipulation and a formal agreement that he would pay it back to me at the rate of $100.00 per week (for three years). Could this work, do you think??

URGENT…… need advice……….terribly upset……..

Hello,

Sorry if this is a double post, I am having trouble with the computer. It’s been a week or two, I think, since I last posted….

My husband finally spoke with MMI (Money Management International – we got their contact information from a booklet put out by the US Government). Anyway, they tell him that AMEX will not work with them. Is this true?? The other debts can be repaid with a payment of $860.00 per month, once the interest rate has been adjusted to 6%.

We are in New York State.

My husband does not want to file for bankruptcy. He does, however, seem to want me to pay AMEX the 16K. Apparently MMI will not work with my husband on the other debts unless this happens first. I already paid, in 2001, 40K worth of credit card debt. This will bring the total up to 56K. I don’t understand why he is doing this to our family.

I am already coping with an autistic (non-verbal) six year old son….I trusted my husband to handle the financial stuff while I looked after our two boys and this is what happens….. I am so sick and depressed of it all I cannot tell you…. Any advice, input, feedback would be much appreciated.

Many thanks

More than debt is playing out here. I’m sorry, but he is doing this to you, because he has been allowed to do this to you. I know it is not my business, but I would re-evaluate your whole relationship here. Debt is seemingly only a part of the trouble. You are feeling betrayed and helpless. You know, you can file bk separate from your husband.

Thanks for your message; I appreciate it. He says it’s because his income is short 5000-6000 for the area we are living in and because I am not working. Childcare for our autistic son would be problematic and would likely cancel out whatever income I made, if I was working outside the home.

He doesn’t buy “stuff” (consumer goods) and doesn’t (from what I can tell) have any expensive habits I am not aware of.

He says he doesn’t tell me things because he knows it will upset and depress me (and this sort of situation does depress me).

I have always wanted to work with him to live within our income, but (as he says) he is not willing to live on macaroni and cheese.

Now I have to get the children ready for school and act like everything’s normal. Thanks for your response……

Old medical debt

I have a medical debt that is > 2 ½ years old. It was turned over to collection 63 days after past due. I have told the collection company by mail that no money was available. Now another agency contacts me wanting the full amount. I talked with and agent yesterday and offered a 38 to 40% full payoff via my extended family. I told her I received this information via the Dave Ramsey program. Her response was I will talk to them and get back with you. Is this the appropriate path?

I’m on a personal crusade against hospitals since they did a lousy job on my mom and are trying to charge her in the grave. I had to deal with a Catholic hospital and asked them what kind of Catholics they were to gouge people who couldn’t pay their bills. I got the typical bureaucratic response.

Just some more thoughts

I am wondering if there are any couples out there, on this board, who have successfully surmounted and managed to get past problems of this nature?

If so, I would be so grateful to hear about the process you went through to get there.

I honestly don’t want to divorce. I have two small children, and I do love my husband. I want to make things work. I want him to want it to work.

What I feel, right now, is a kind of paralysis. I don’t want to bring up these issues with him right now, this weekend, but I did send him two very calm and clear emails (to his work email) stating how I feel and what I feel is necessary for us to get back on track.

I’m praying a lot right now, too. Many many thanks, again, for all your responses and feedback. It helps.

Depends on what you mean by success. I give or send emails to my husband all the time and he acts calm – even happy. Then I wake up one day and am told he doesn’t like to come home to me and I am controlling his life. These guys don’t think that straight. And they do not like to feel “pussy” whipped or controlled. They don’t want or respect your opinion – this was confirmed in my case a few days ago. He’ll either start changing or you will start hating or both.

I don’t believe I said all men were like that. In a few of my emails I went out of my way to say both women and men can be abusive. But this woman lives with an abusive man and she needs advice and help. And part of what she needs is to recognize he is abusive and dangerous and he is not going to respect her input – not for very long anyway.

If working out something with them was an option

Believe me, if working out something with them was an option I would have done it months ago. I have no money to give them and they are only one of few creditors I owe money to.

They know where I am(they have always had my phone and address, I’ve never made it a secret), so why would they hire someone to find me? Like I mentioned to another person, this is one of a few creditors I have on my back. If I had the money to work with them, I would. I’m sorry I’m being a bit snippy. But, I have been writing about my situation for some time and obviously none of you have taken the time to read any of it, because if you had, you would know that working with them is not an option for me. If you don’t have the money, you don’t have the money.

It’s a great thought to be able to work with them, and believe me I would if I could. It’s not a matter of taking responsibility, the money is just NOT there. I had a very decent interest rate with them and was making payments up until my husband ran into a cut in pay with his job in December. So, as much as your plan sounds great and all, unless money were to start growing on trees, it’s not helpful to me at all. Thanks anyway.

Are you a new member? I’m just surprised nobody was kind enough to pass along this enough when I was asking about it weeks ago. In fact, the whole concept was suggested by people in this blog, even when I explained I was dealing with the original creditors.

Your best bet would be to try and work with them

Your best bet would be to try and work with them. I did this at one point with MBNA and they were more than willing to work with me. They dropped the interest rate and did not charge me any late payment fees or overlimit fees for almost 2 years. I agreed to make biweekly payments to them and they didn’t even mind when I changed the amount to a higher payment just to get this monkey finally off my back. I was very embarrassed by my lack of responsibility and thought that they would never want to even think about helping me work out a plan, but they were more than willing to. It took me over 2 years to pay off a $9000 debt, but i did, and it was such a nice feeling.

I then paid off another debt that was over $3000 and that is gone now and I don’t use credit cards at all. I have one payment now and that is my car payment, which thanks to a new job, I am able to afford to pay more on each month (which I just started to do) and that will make a big difference in the amount of interest paid and the car should be paid off at least a year ahead of schedule.

It took a big hard slap of reality for me to finally take responsibility, but I did and it sure does feel great!

Best advice, work with them. What’s the worst they can say to you, “NO”? Be persistent if they do say no! If they know that you want to work with them, that is a plus for you and they will most likely help you out.

Send the cease and desist letter to any collection agencies along with a copy of the one you sent the original credit company. Tell them they are breaking the law – which they are. By questioning people about you, they are intimating bad things which is slander.

Don’t be too surprised if US Bank continues to call your family

Don’t be too surprised if US Bank continues to call your family, friends and neighbors in their attempts to locate you, even after you send a cease and desist letter.

Note that the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act is not applicable to those parties collecting their own debt. The FDCPA is applicable only to third parties (collection agencies) and lawyers. In your case, it appears that the creditor is collecting their own debt, therefore a cease and desist letter will have little, if any, impact.

Have you attempted to work with these people? You might be able to get them to agree to settle the account for something substantially less than what you owe. A cease and desist letter will not influence them to work something out with you.. Many bankers would much rather work with someone that reaches out for help than with someone that refuses positive communications.

At the very least, the good news is that they haven’t yet written you off, and are trying to locate you, probably to try and work something out before sending it to a collection agency\attorney.

Good Luck!

US Bank update/ revision of cease and desist letter

You all probably remember me posting how my inlaws were contacted by US Bank recently looking for us concerning a debt we have with them. Well, my Dad’s girlfriend just called me and apparently they are calling my Dad’s house now too. It was suggested that since I’m writing the original creditor and it hasn’t been that long since we’ve been not making payments to keep my cease and desist letter to a minimum, not be too harsh and threatening.

So, I have revised what I had. Let me know if it should work with keeping them from contacting any further people, as well as us by phone, and if it sounds within reason to send without actually ticking them off more. Also, I was told to make sure it’s sent certified mail. Is there anything else I need to know before sending this? By the way, here is my revised letter:

To Whom it may concern:

I have been contacted by your company about a debt you allege I owe. I do not admit or deny liability on the debt. However, I am instructing in writing, that no telephone contact be made by your offices to my home, cell phone, friends, neighbors, third parties, family members or to my place of employment. Under the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, a federal law, you may not contact me further by telephone once I have notified you not to do so.

If your offices attempt telephone communication with me, including but not limited to computer generated calls and calls or correspondence sent to or with any third parties, it will be considered harassment. All future communications with me MUST be done in writing and sent to the address noted in this letter by USPS.

Sincerely,

(name)

(Account No.)